


And now what?

by stainhermouthred



Category: Rogue One: A Star Wars Story (2016)
Genre: AU, Angst, F/M, Survivor Guilt, they survived
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-13
Updated: 2017-01-13
Packaged: 2018-09-17 06:05:26
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 460
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9308633
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/stainhermouthred/pseuds/stainhermouthred
Summary: They survived but they didn't live.





	

**Author's Note:**

  * For [the_other_woman](https://archiveofourown.org/users/the_other_woman/gifts).



> Apparently "Rogue One" was remembered so that's not accurate and I really don't remember much but my favourite person asked for a fic and who am I to refuse (No, Lexi, don't get used to it)
> 
> Btw I wrote it on my phone during physical chemistry lecture. So yeah, I'm aware it's not all that great but it sure keeps the mood I had while listening about pharmacokinetics aka pretty depressing.

There was shouting in the back and she should probably check it out. Reach for her glock. Move.

Instead she laid in the bed on her back watching the ceiling. Would it really matter if these were hostiles? They weren’t supposed to be here anyway. She could feel Cassian move beside her and she tried, for his sake, tried to care. She reached back and his warm hand clasped hers tightly. “We should see if there are intruders” she said but it turned out flat and dry.

“Why? Do you care?”

She wanted to shake him and tell him that yes! She did care and he should as well but they have spent months together. Only two of them. They knew when the other was lying. “No. We should do it anyway” she whispered stubbornly because they had to at least pretend that they didnt want to die. That they didn’t survive only to die by some burglar’s hands. She used to pretend that there was a reason why only the two of them survived that there was a purpose somewhere for them.

She knew that Cassian still sometimes held on that belief but when they’re alone in bed, when every time they closed their eyes they saw faces of those who died in that goddamn rebellion, their friends, then he forgot. He clutched her hand and thought just like her. That they could be killed right then and there and would it make a difference? They were meant to die on that planet.

Maybe they could make it to the beach, he would hold her hand or just hold her tightly in his arms and they would watch that beam not from above but moving towards them, taking them along with the rest of their people. They would wonder, would people remember their story? And then there would be darkness and peace.

Reality was made of cold hiding places and the bitter fact that no one remembered the name of their ship or k2 or anyone. They didn’t care for the glory for themselves but those people had died for the republic and it’s like it didn’t matter. Most of the time, they felt like they outlived themselves and there was nothing left.

They were laying until it was quiet and Jyn turned to face him, her hand rising to stroke over his cheek lightly, her fingertips catching on his beard.

“we cant go on like this.”

She felt bad. She should be grateful that she was not alone, that she had him but the truth was... she loved him and it was still not enough to keep living. She never told him, didn’t want to hurt him but she also knew that he felt exactly the same thing.


End file.
